The almost apology and some raw, honest truth

So...I would start by apologizing for the extreme gap of time between this post and my last buuuut I warned you from the beginning :) To say that life in the Perry household has been busy is an extreme understatement.  And this week isn't any less busy.  Nor is the next. The hubby has meetings 3 nights this week, we have student Bible study Wednesday night, and Friday we leave to spend the weekend with my grandparents and use those awesome Six Flags season passes again that they bought us in the spring- woohoo!!  Next week looks about the same...seriously. Every. Single. Night. We get off work and get home, change clothes and immediately on our way to something else.  But, such is life for now and I'm ok with it. There are many positive things coming out of each busy day/night.  The Lord blesses us with His strength even when we are weary and to Him be the glory!

There are so many things that I could "catch you up" on which I hope to be able to do over time.  A few weeks ago I shared on my friend's blog here about being single and then the early months of marriage. If you get a chance, read it...really if you get a chance, read that entire series! I love the women who shared and love their testimonies!

Instead of trying to zip through a million and one things that I haven't posted about on here and probably should have, I'll share with you some really honest and raw things about something personal I've been dealing with recently.  I touch on it briefly in the post I wrote for my friend's blog but I wanted to expand on it...ya know, just in case I'm not the only one.

What does it mean to be a Godly wife? Less of me, more of Jesus.  What does it mean to be a Godly friend?  Less of me, more of Jesus. What does it mean to be a Godly daughter, mother, sister, stranger?  Less of me, more of Jesus.

For some reason this whole concept has been hard for me to grasp lately. I've had it all wrong.  Sometime soon after I got married I (without really realizing it) convinced myself that being a Godly wife means a clean house, always full of energy, a constant smile plastered on face despite struggles I was silently dealing with, surely it can't be that hard...(deep breath). Yeah...notsomuch.  You see, I was trying to base being a Godly wife on what I was doing. But no matter what I do and how hard I try, I am not a Godly wife because of what I do...not even a good wife.  Being a Godly wife has nothing to do with me and everything to do with Jesus.  (Hm...this is sounding maybe just a bit like the gospel? Yes, exactly.)  You see, I had taken works-based righteousness to a whole new level. I had limited God's grace without even realizing it.  If I sin, the Lord shows grace.  I know that.  So why haven't I been applying that truth to my daily life.  I am not sufficient, but He is more than enough- grace.  I fall short, He supercedes.  I am weary, He strengthens.  All of my human efforts to be a Godly wife by human standards don't matter.  That totally misses the mark!  Every time! Instead, it is all about Jesus and His work in me and through me.

And you know what else? No earthly woman should be my standard of a what it means to be Godly, not even my closest friends or role models who may be wonderful Godly women/wives.  It doesn't matter if I cook like they do, clean like they do, decorate as well as they do, etc.  Sure, it is wonderful and definitely beneficial to have and know Godly women who you can look up to and learn from, but it's not about comparison. My standard is Jesus Christ Himself. Jesus is holy.  And because I have
accepted His free gift of salvation, He has clothed me in His holiness and righteousness.  To God, I am considered righteous, based on no effort of my own, but on the death of Jesus who took on my sin on the cross.  Oh friend, do you know what that means?  It even applies to being a Godly woman/wife!  I don't have to have a spotless house in order to reflect Christ in my marriage or to others.  I don't have to always have a smile plastered to my face just to convince all around me that I have it all together.  But I do have a sense of joy that surpasses earthly frustrations and moments of being overwhelmed.  If  the laundry piles resemble the Rocky Mountains, the dust bunnies seem to be procreating right before your eyes, the bedroom floors have become your own version of hopscotch, or your kitchen sink overfloweth with dishes...you can still be a Godly wife.  If all of those things are emmaculate and gleaming and the Hallelujah chorus is heard whenever anyone walks into your pristine home...it doesn't mean you're a Godly wife.  I am only able to be considered a Godly wife because I have Jesus in me. Because of who He is in my life and the grace, love, and hope He has given me, I want to strive to reflect Him well as I work outside of my home, in my home, spend time with my husband and reach out to others.  I do all of those things as an outpouring, not an obligation.

To top it all off, you want to know who reminded me of this? My husband.  Yep, that husband of mine nailed it.  You see, he had watched his new wife practically crumble in defeat before his own eyes.  He had watched me crawl wearily into bed one too many nights for his liking.  He had watched as I came home from work and zipped around like a bumblebee, trying to land on any and every unclean area in our house before even taking time to spend with him.  (Much like we often try to clean up our act or "get things together" before seeking time with the Lord) He had seen the smile wane and the determined then face take over more days than not. As I said before, taking care of your home is a wonderful thing, but it is about priority and motive. From the mouth of my husband, "Baby, stop.  Just stop.  Those things don't matter to me if you aren't spending time with the Lord.  If you aren't reading Scripture and spending time soaking in God's word, then you aren't even able to do any of these other things well or with the right attitude anyway. You're only capable of loving me and others well if you're loving Jesus."

Amen.  I needed to hear that...I needed it so badly.  The reminder of that truth released me.  It broke the chains of the "law"/"works-based righteousness" I had tried to put back on myself. It's like I had
allowed Satan to deceive me with the lie that Jesus in me is not enough or that I still have to earn or work for His approval or the approval of others.  And honestly, I was acting as if my relationship with Jesus is not as important to me or my marriage as a clean or well-decorated house. Oh sister, if you are there then flee Satan's lies that can beat you into exhaustion.  Run to the arms of refuge and grace.  If you are a believer, rest in Jesus.  Seek Him and allow Him to provide you with the strength you need for all that day-to-day life may bring.  He knows what you need and longs for you to look to HIM for your strength, rather than relying on your own. 

"Glory in His holy name; let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice!  Seek the Lord and His strength; seek His presence continually!"  I Chronicles 16:10-11

"Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward.  You are serving the Lord Christ."  Colossians 3:23-24